Patience, Patience, Patience :-)

 As some wiser person than me once said - Patience, Patience, Patience

You really have to develop more patience than you ever thought that you would ever need... 

You have to not take things personal that they will say to you- They don't mean it

They will lie to you at times - They don't mean it

They get embarrassed and make up things - They don't mean it

Accidents will happen - They don't mean it

Sometimes you have to threaten them or tell them some white lies- Think of like what you may have done did with children. Try something like I am leaving and not coming back unless you eat your food now.

Safety- Some Signs of Unsafe Driving

Some Signs of Unsafe Driving

This topic is never easy when it comes time to tell your loved one they can no longer drive. In the case of both my mom and mother in law we had the Doctor tell them. Believe me it is easier that way! They will still yell at you, sway nasty things to you and they try to find a way for you to let them drive so be prepared for that. However, I found that if you refer back to "the Doctor said so" then you always have them playing the bad guy/gal instead of you being the bad one. If you have any doubts at all take the keys immediately and prevent something worse from happening.

Determining when someone can no longer safely drive requires observation by family members and or caregivers, etc. The following list below provides some of the warning signs that it's time to stop your loved one from driving before they hurt themselves and or someone else. The bolded ones are the ones that we noticed.

• Forgetting how to locate familiar places
• Forgetting the destination you are driving to during the trip
• Returning from a routine drive later than usual
• Becoming angry or confused while driving
• Getting lost and calling us because they were disoriented
• Failing to observe traffic signs
• Making slow or poor decisions in traffic
• Driving at an inappropriate speed (could be slow or could be fast)
• Hitting curbs, swaying in lanes
• Using poor lane control
• Making errors at intersections
• Confusing the brake and gas pedals

List of Other Ideas and Considerations...

More thoughts and Ideas... that I am considering or still thinking about

Consider installing a whole house alarm system. However, note this can be really tricky as they can set off an alarm after it has been armed because they forget the code or forgot it was armed, etc.

Maybe use a heat detector device in the garage instead of a smoke detector. Each has pros and cons for garage use. https://www.amazon.com/First-Alert-Hard-Wired-Battery-Ionization/dp/B00WAHSKB2/ref=sr_1_4?crid=1XXM103VE5B45&keywords=first+alert+heat+detector+for+garage&qid=1688072905&sprefix=first+alert+heat+detector+for+garage%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-4

Consider installing an Automatic Shower Shutoff device- Showers that are left running can cause water damage and also cost lots of money. See this link below https://showersavingtimer.com/products/showerwizard-1

Consider Apple Air Tags or Tiles for locating items such as keys, pocketbooks, wallets, etc. 

Consider some type of GPS device to keep track of whereabouts, etc.

Consider installing additional lighting and or motion sensor lighting in closets to make it easier on them to locate things.

Label kitchen drawers to help them locate and or put away plates, utensils, etc.

Label TV remote, consider a retractable tether lock 

Make sure you always have extra batteries around for any of the devices that require batteries

Print a list of important telephone numbers with names, laminate them and hang them on the refrigerator somehow.

Consider Installing Window Sensors

Consider installing indoor cameras to keep an eye on them or if they have fallen, etc.

Consider an alert bracelet or necklace  

Smartphones

Smartphones-  The is another one of those sticking points for me as smart phones can be extremely, extremely helpful however, since smartphones have so much going on they can actually be a hindrance as well. 

The smartphone has given me a lot of pain and grief over time especially when it comes to my mother in law because she loves to play with it and change things on it every single day. Don't get me wrong they are essential for many things but they also can drive you crazy at the same time. In the case of my mother in law when she was still able to drive until about 9 months ago she was starting to get lost and she couldn't tell us where she was because she was disoriented. Since she has an iPhone we would use the Find My Phone App to locate her, without that it would have more difficult to locate her..

If they have a smartphone make sure that their location is turned on. 

I also changed the setting on the smart phone to turn the flashlight on when a call comes in

Make sure your cell number is listed as an emergency contact on their phone so that your call is never blocked for any reason.

I will dedicate a future post on all of the things I changed on the my mother in laws smartphone to make it easier on us and her.

Caring- Diet and Hydration

Diet and Hydration- As I mentioned in an earlier post as time goes on they start lose the ability and or the want to eat, cook and even drink water. The effort it takes them to think about and or prepare food is overwhelming for them. 

We prepare most of the meals and we also make them eat and drink water in front of us. They will start to tell they that have eaten however, they cannot remember what they ate or if the ate. They begin to lie to you not because they want to but because they cannot remember or they are embarrassed that they cannot remember. So never take it for granted that they are eating properly or even eating at all. What we do is let them be involved in some of the meal prep however, we keep an eye on them so they don't over salt, etc.

Hydration is also important but they forgot so keep them hydrated somehow.

Keep the chips to a minimum

Balance Diet- make sure they are eating vegetables, fruits, try to avoid too much red meat but give them some. Try to have more fish in the diet and stay away from high sodium foods.

Here is a good link for information on good diet habits. https://www.brightfocus.org/alzheimers/article/diet-and-alzheimers-disease?gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwqZSlBhBwEiwAfoZUIHmoGjHEARnMdF2s0T4YmkpLgvQ0a9eCESfb3Kn91XPRQZaWzz-5BBoCBFcQAvD_BwE

Caring- Medications

Medications- Have a medicine pill dispenser box that is clearly marked with the days of the week is very helpful for them and also for the caretakers. We do use medicine dispenser boxes . However, we prefer to fill the dispenser and administer the medicines to them ourselves. We have so many fears of them taking more medicine than they should which can lead to more issues. We also don’t allow them to fill the pill dispensers either in fear of them taking to many of the same pills, etc. I strongly suggest that medicine is dispensed to your loved one by someone else other than themselves. It is best to administer this yourself or the caretaker.

See this link- https://www.amazon.com/Weekbox-Organizer-Weekly-Medicine-Container/dp/B09MTRQGFS/ref=sr_1_5?crid=2OJR1KEAJZ372&keywords=pill+box&qid=1688054606&sprefix=pill+box%2Caps%2C223&sr=8-5

Caring

As Important as Safety are Diet, Medications and Hydration are all a big part of keeping them healthy.

Whenever possible check in on them and or visit multiple times a day to see what is going on, administer medicine, give them their meals and hydration. Check around for things left on like the oven, showers, sinks, etc. The more you see them the more you can be aware of and what is going on in the home, etc.

If you call them on the phone and speak to them depending on the stage of there condition they can really fool you. My family members would speak to my Mom on the phone and tell me that sounds great and doubt me of her condition. This is because they didn't ask the correct questions. They can often have regular conversations and can remember the past however, they cannot tell you what they had for breakfast just a few minutes ago. This is because the short term memory goes first and they can continue to remember things in the past. Since my family members were not seeing her physically and did not ask the right questions they would doubt me.

After time your loved one will start to forget things. They may even forget to eat or forget if they actually did eat or not. They will also do the same with hydration. The effort it takes for them to prepare a meal is overwhelming for them so they won't do it . They will start to eat whatever is the easiest thing for them to get a hold of like chips, etc.

Safety- Indoor and Outdoor Motion Light Sensors

Indoor Motion Light Sensors- I installed these Zisuyu Motion light sensors throughout the home to help when they get up and walkaround at night. They are really inexpensive and work really well. See link below.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08DYG9926/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Outdoor Motion Light Sensors- I installed the Beams outdoor motion light for extra lighting when it gets dark out and also as another deterrent. See link below.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00196WS6S/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Safety- Light Switches

Light Switches – I installed Kasa smart light switches for outdoor lights as added deterrents. You can also turn them off if your loved one has forgotten to turn them off. I have them on schedules to turn on and off at different times of the day as added deterrents. Here is a link for what I used.

https://www.amazon.com/Kasa-Smart-KS200P3-Required-Certified/dp/B0BTMVQK7C/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=18EKWEH6J5M36&keywords=kasa+light+switch&qid=1688050751&s=hi&sprefix=kasa+light+%2Ctools%2C127&sr=1-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

Safety- Install Doorbell Camera and Outdoor Cameras for safety and security

Install Doorbell Camera and Outdoor Cameras for safety and security – I installed a Ring Doorbell camera so that I can be aware and be able to see who is ringing Mom’s doorbell.

I have the ability to speak to the person via the camera before she attempts to open the door. I also installed outdoor cameras in the front and back of the house to add more visibility and security. Indoor cameras are the sticking point for me because although they can be extremely helpful in certain situations however, they are infringing on privacy. In the case of my Mom a few years back it was critical. My wife happened to be looking at one of the indoor cameras when she saw the home health aide strike my mom in the mouth repeatedly and then pull her hair. Since people with these type of mental diseases usually cannot remember anything a few seconds goes by she would not have been able to be of any help. We called the police on the way to her house and the Ring Indoor camera video was crucial evidence for the police in convicting her. So consider installing indoor cameras as well as they can be extremly help if they were to fall inside the home, etc.

I also installed an additional door chime because hearing also can become an issue as they get older.

Safety- Doors or sliders

Doors or sliders- A smart lock can tell you if the door is locked or not however, I wanted to also know if any perimeter door is open or not. So I installed Yolink door sensors so I can be notified if a door is opened and or if a door remains opened for a specific length of time, etc. These devices will notify you of the status based on the preferences that you chose. Here is a link for what I used.

https://www.amazon.com/YOLINK-LoRa-Smart-Sensor-Starter/dp/B088ZFGX3S/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=37SIBBFZJLYZ7&keywords=yolink+door+sensor&qid=1688052118&s=hi&sprefix=yolink+door+sensor%2Ctools%2C107&sr=1-3-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

Safety- Door Locks

Door Locks – I installed a Kwickset Wi-Fi Smart Lock so I can make sure I know if the door is locked or open. These smart locks have the ability to notify you when the lock is opened or locked. Here is a link for what I used. Smart locks give you several ways to open the lock- traditional keys, a key code and with an app for your smartphone. Therefore, it is also a built in backup plan for lost keys.

https://www.amazon.com/Kwikset-99390-001-Electronic-Touchscreen-Featuring/dp/B081FYNZ7B/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=kwikset+smart+key+door+lock+set&qid=1688051814&s=hi&sprefix=kwickset+%2Ctools%2C121&sr=1-4

Safety- Gas Dryers

Gas Dryers- Gas dryers are more prone to danger due to potential gas leaks. I also replaced the gas dryer with an electric gas dryer for better peace of mind.

Safety- Install a Fire Detector device for Stove electrical outlet

Install a Fire Detector device for Stove electrical outlet- I took it a step further and added Fire Avert device for the oven. https://www.amazon.com/Fire-Avert-Electric-Shut-off-gSafety/dp/B01A2JTCZ2/ref=asc_df_B01A2JTCZ2/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198084548301&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9157782887300157557&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9011488&hvtargid=pla-367592286902&psc=1

Your home will be protected from a stove fire by simply plugging the device into the back of your stove outlet. There is always smoke before fire. This is why this fire deterrent is activated by your smoke alarm, cutting the power to your stove circuit breaker for the oven before there is a flame. I found out that unattended cooking ranges are the #1 cause of home fires in the US.

Safety- Replace Gas Stove with Electrical Induction Stove

Replace Gas Stove with Electrical Induction Stove – I was concerned not only about the gas stove being left on but also that they can burn themselves.  So I installed an electrical induction stove. Induction stoves are inherently safer than gas or radiant-electric models because they don’t involve flames or direct heat. Only the pots heat up when you cook—the surface of the stovetop remains cool to a person touch therefore, inherently much, much safer. It’s hard to turn on an induction element accidentally, unless you leave a pan on top of it—and if you do, the cooktop will automatically cuts the power when the element reaches an abnormally high temperature for an extended period.  

Safety- Garage Doors

Garage Doors- Most garage door devices have the ability to notify you when the door is closed or opened, etc. Install the garage door openers app on your smartphone to check the status of your Garage Door. The ability to know if the garage door is opened or open or closed is crucial to keeping your loved one and the home safe.

Safety- Install a Smoke Detector in the Garage

Install a Smoke Detector in the Garage- Most homes do not have smoke detectors installed in garages which I cannot fully understand why. This is essential for being warned if a garage fire were to start. Make sure it is linked to the other fire detectors in the home and make sure it is a hard wired type. To avoid other potential problems make sure it is the same brand and model type as the other fire detectors in the home. I decided not to put in a combo fire/carbon monoxide detector due to if a car is parked in the garage it may trigger off the carbon monoxide detector by starting a car. I used First Alert hard wired 10 year battery from Lowes below.

https://www.lowes.com/pd/First-Alert-AC-Hardwired-120-Volt-Smoke-Detector/1000456473

Another idea is to have a hard wired Heat Alarm in the garage that ties into the rest of your smoke detectors. See link below https://www.amazon.com/First-Alert-Hard-Wired-Battery-Ionization/dp/B00WAHSKB2/ref=sr_1_4?crid=1XXM103VE5B45&keywords=first+alert+heat+detector+for+garage&qid=1688072905&sprefix=first+alert+heat+detector+for+garage%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-4

Why I decided to start this Blog

My priorities are the safety of my loved ones and also the safety of their home. I will be posting  some of the preventions and items I have used to help with both my Mom and Mother in law’s conditions and their homes while they were able to still be at home alone and still be somewhat independent. My mom has had Alzheimer’s disease for over 12 years and my mother in law has recently been diagnosed with Dementia. My wife and I with the help of some home health aides we were able to keep my mom safe and at her home for over 10 years with her condition.  Unfortunately, my Mom became wheel chair bound about two years ago. My mother in law is in the early stages so we are implementing the same things we did for my mom again. Both of them have these horrible conditions so I tried to take every precaution that I can think of to help keep them and their home safe. We continue to care for both of them and therefore, our constant battle is to keep them safe, their home safe and keep their independence for as long as we can. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how to help prevent potential problems and also keeping them as safe as we possibly can. I hope this helps you and your loved ones is some capacity.

I am sure that I have not thought of every possible thing and or scenario and I also am aware that there may be easier ways to do some of the things that I have listed and implemented. However, I have learned and I will continue to learn as time goes on. My goal is to list the things I have done to assist someone that is looking to care and provide better safety for their loved ones.